Everyone has opportunities to be offended from time to time. For those who are quick to forgive, such offenses are no big deal; but those who are unforgiving often live with continually hurt feelings. Some walk around like time bombs, ready to explode – or implode – whenever their short fuses are lit.
So many people are affected by the bitterness that can result from unresolved offenses that I was prompted to write the book, “Get the Junk Out of Your Trunk.” God has used it to help many people receive healing from the crippling effects of bitterness. It’s my prayer that this article, written in the same spirit as the book, will help you live your best life: a life that is free from the pain of past, present and future offenses.
Offenses Will Come
In Luke 17:1, Jesus said, “It is impossible that no offenses should come.” He wanted us to know that stumbling-blocks, traps, and hindrances are inevitable so we would be quick to forgive when we are criticized, mistreated or abused.
Jesus also addressed the serious side-effects of allowing ourselves to be offended. He said that in the end times “…many will be offended, will betray one another, and will hate one another. Then many false prophets will rise up and deceive many. And because lawlessness will abound, the love of many will grow cold” (Matthew 24:10-12).
There are always consequences when we don’t forgive. Did you notice the progression that Jesus said accompanies being offended? After the offense comes betrayal, then hatred, lawlessness, and finally, love grows cold.
No one wakes up one day and says, “Today, I’m going to hate them,” or “Today, I’m going to let my love toward God grow cold.” But gradually, the spiritual consequences for harboring offenses will take a toll.
James 3:16 says, “Where envy and self-seeking exist, confusion and every evil thing are there.” Believe me, you don’t want to live with “confusion and every evil thing” in your life! That’s why the Bible instructs us to “Make every effort to live in peace with all men and to be holy; without holiness no one will see the Lord. See to it that no one misses the grace of God and that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many” (Hebrews 12:14-15 NIV).
As you strive to live in peace with God and those around you, God’s grace can keep offense from dividing your family, wrecking your friendships, breaking up your marriage, or destroying your church.
Dealing With Offenses
Matthew 18:15-17 instructs us what to do when someone offends us: “If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault between you and him alone. If he hears you, you have gained your brother. But if he will not hear, take with you one or two more, that ‘by the mouth of two or three witnesses every word may be established.’ And if he refuses to hear them, tell it to the church. But if he refuses even to hear the church, let him be to you like a heathen and a tax collector.”
As we follow the steps Jesus outlined, it is possible to live a peaceful life. Let’s study these steps:
1. Go to the one who has offended you. Jesus said in Matthew 18:15 that we should go to them. Our motive should not be just to seek justice, but to believe the best and seek restoration. Remember, “Love bears up under anything and everything that comes, is ever ready to believe the best of every person, its hopes are fadeless under all circumstances, and it endures everything [without weakening]” (1 Corinthians 13:7 AMP).
Notice that Jesus told us to go by ourselves. Often, what seemed like an offense may have simply been a misunderstanding. By not involving others, we show God’s love and concern for the offender. If they repent, their reputation will have been spared. At that point, express your forgiveness (Luke 17:3-4) and let the matter be forever settled in your heart. If they don’t repent, forgive them anyway, and continue to seek restoration.
2. Go again, taking someone with you. This fulfills Matthew 18:16 which tells us to take “one or two more” with you. Having an impartial witness helps bring out the truth. If they repent, only the two of you and one other person know what has happened, and their reputation has still been salvaged.
3. Talk with church leadership. If the offender still has not repented, Jesus said in Matthew 18:17 that we should “tell it to the church.” This does not mean that we should talk about it with everyone we meet! Jesus was referring to us going to a pastor or church leader so they can help reconcile the offender with God – and you.
When You’ve Offended Someone
Even though you are seeking to live a pure and godly life, people will sometimes be offended by your words or actions. As soon as you become aware that someone has been wounded, you should do what you can to initiate reconciliation.
We read previously that Jesus said, “It is impossible that no offenses should come…” but He continued on to say, “…woe to him through whom they do come! It would be better for him if a millstone were hung around his neck, and he were thrown into the sea, than that he should offend one of these little ones” (Luke 17:1-2). The consequences for offending others are severe, and those who habitually offend others will eventually reap what they have sown.
Jesus tells us in Matthew 5:23-24 that our relationships should be reconciled before we worship. It says, “…if you bring your gift to the altar, and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there before the altar, and go your way. First be reconciled to your brother, and then come and offer your gift.” Even if it was a misunderstanding and you did not mean to cause harm, it is Biblical for you to go to them.
It’s important to remember that you are not responsible for their response. Whether or not they choose to forgive you, your part is the same: go to them with a sincere heart for restoration.
Finally…
We should always remember that love is the answer for offenses as we’re told in 1 Peter 4:8 that “love will cover a multitude of sins.” It’s unfortunate that offenses occur, but Isaiah 26:3 indicates that when we keep our focus on God and His Word, He will keep us in perfect peace.
It’s our prayer that you will resolve issues quickly with the following points in mind:
Peace and Unity. In Ephesians 4:1-3 (NIV), Paul urges us to “…live a life worthy of the calling you have received. Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace.”
Issues left unsettled destroy marriages and families, keep people from coming to the Lord and even grieve the Holy Spirit. That’s why Ephesians 4:30-32 commands us, “…do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. Let all bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, and evil speaking be put away from you, with all malice. And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you.”
Spiritual Well-Being. In 2 Corinthians 2:10-11 (NIV), Paul wrote, “If you forgive anyone, I also forgive him. And what I have forgiven – if there was anything to forgive – I have forgiven in the sight of Christ for your sake, in order that Satan might not outwit us. For we are not unaware of his schemes.” Forgiving others is vital to our own spiritual well-being and can affect the well-being of others. When we resolve issues quickly, we shut the door on Satan.
Restoration. Galatians 6:1-2 says, “Brethren, if a man is overtaken in any trespass, you who are spiritual restore such a one in a spirit of gentleness, considering yourself lest you also be tempted. Bear one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ.” God’s heart is always for restoration, so we should always do our best to restore those who are offended.
It’s obvious that hurtful things will still occasionally happen, but we don’t have to let ourselves be offended by them. Forgive. Forgive. Forgive…and let the Lord be your source of peace in every situation. Remember: “Great peace have they which love Thy law: and nothing shall offend them” (Psalm 119:165 KJV).
